Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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