Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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