This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
