Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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