Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
