My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
