I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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