Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
