I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
