just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
