I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
birth control should be required to get into college
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
