Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
