The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
