if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
