i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
