You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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