you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
