OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
