So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
