I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
love makes seman taste better
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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