I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
