i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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