Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
