Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
