So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
