I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
