What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
