I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
