I accidentally burped into my bong.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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