so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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