just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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