worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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