our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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