I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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