I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
