its not stalking. its research.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
