so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
