The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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