First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
