I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
