I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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