whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
