ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
