he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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