At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
