i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
