she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just pee around me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
