How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
