i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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