Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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