I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
